Rosanna and I finally got out of town for some much needed rest and vacation. We are currently living our lives between two dates, Oct 4 and Jan 7th, one being the release of the book and the other being the arrival of baby Herd. Apologies on all fronts for the lack of posts, I promise it is a not a lack of interest, rather some other projects have taken up a lot of time. When you travel all the time, seems you don’t want to go anywhere when you do take a vacation, but given all of the pre-baby projects taking place around the house, going to Miami seemed in order.
The trip was water in a desert for both Rosanna and I, her photography business has been hectic of late, which is compounded by a baby bump-frankly, I don’t see how she does it, if I have a slight fever I refuse to leave the bed. Anyhow, it proved to be a refreshing time for our souls and our marriage. I thought I’d write down a few thoughts I had on vacation before I forget them, as the vacation served to be a reminder that God speaks in clear, fresh ways when you actually slow down long enough to hear him.
A couple fresh insights of importance that I realized while I was gone.
More responsibility doesn’t equal less happiness- the opposite is actually true. Rosanna and I were walking thru a store on South Beach when a very buff biker couple approached us to ask about pregnancy. This turned into a fairly lengthy conversation between the gentleman and I, in which he confided that he is terrified of having children. The problem is his girlfriend is begging him for a child. Through the conversation, I realized I had a similar lie rattling in my spirit, and the lie is something that I believe causes a lot of people a serious hang up in moving towards a new season of life. Somewhere in our human experience, we buy into this myth that if we grow up, and if we take on responsibility, we are going to be less happy than we would be if we stayed put. I think this is why many people are afraid of the step of life that looms over them. I know that’s true of me. I have serious concerns in my spirit about how a child will affect my life. I don’t know why I believe this, because whether it was college, marriage, or any stage of life, more responsibility has actually equaled a deeper sense of fulfillment in my life.
Another insight from my time away is that “Lavish generosity comes thru gracious receiving.” I have often felt a block in my ability to be generous towards others, whether with words, money, time, or whatever. All of that sentence is code for “I can be really selfish.” I find myself being jealous of those who are generous, and I’m not talking about those can cut a big check, I am talking about those who like helping other people move when asked, etc. Financial generosity, at least for me, can just be a way of removing guilt for not actually having a generous bone in my body. But the question I felt like God asks when I bring this before him is not, “why do you not give generously with words, time, etc, money, resources?” The question I feel like God is asking is “Why do you not receive well?” I have to admit, I do not take compliments well, I do not appreciate gifts unless I pick them out, I do not like surprises, (I know all of this makes me sound like a real peach of a personJ) and I pride myself deeply on my ability to not need help. So quite a bit of something I don’t know what to do with surfaced in my time away, and I am committing to doing the hard work of the heart to heal it. But all that to say, I find myself taking serious the question I feel like God has placed before me. The question is not, “are you giving well?” but rather, “are you receiving well?” There is a beautiful thread that runs between these two.
Okay, that’s it. Well, I guess there was one more insight I had. I should never text someone “how are you?” If I am sending it over text, it means I really don’t want to know.
Cheers to you, friends.